Misty Watson: The jokes keep on coming when photography happens

Published 7:16 am Wednesday, May 23, 2012

“I might break your camera.”

I hear that or something close to it almost weekly from some wisecracker who thinks that is an original joke.

I start filtering every thought that comes to my head and usually end up flashing a smile and uttering a sweet, “Oh, no you won’t.” Inside I’m grunting, rolling my eyes and wanting to utter my own wisecrack.

There are several lines that people say to photographers that cause me to bite my lip.

So here they are, the worst things people say to photographers and why they’re bad.

5. “Use your skinny lens.” Since I’ve only ever heard this said by women, I’m going to address them for this point. People come in all different shapes and sizes. Just because you’re accustom to seeing size 0 women on the covers of magazines doesn’t mean that’s all that should be photographed and printed in the media. Why don’t you join the movement to show what real women look like and be proud of who you are? There is no such thing as a skinny lens. But I promise, when I take your photo, I will shoot it from the most flattering angle possible.

4. “You can just Photoshop that out later.” No. I can’t. In photojournalism, we show the scene for what it truly is. That’s why there are so many pesky red glowing exit signs and electrical outlets in the background. Things like that can’t always be avoided, and we don’t alter images, unless they are photo illustrations. So if I come to your business, and there’s something on or behind your desk you don’t want shown, move it.

Not only do I work for the newspaper, but I run a part-time photography business. Clients often say that to me regarding a blemish, but sometimes it’s as big as a truck or a tree. If I shoot a wedding, and I’m editing some 500 photos from that wedding, I want to spend the least amount of time possible in post-processing. I want to enhance the image, make it black and white, crop it differently or whatever I’m doing and move on. Even if I spend just two minutes processing each image, that’s 1,000 minutes, or just more than 16 hours, of work.

 If I have to “Photoshop out” a blemish from half of those images, that means I spend more like five minutes on each image, and if I have to “Photoshop out” a tree or a car or a building or a stray person on five of those images that could take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour per image. Anyone feel like doing a complex math word problem to figure out how long it takes me to finish toning wedding images? (That is why wedding photographers charge so much. By the time you figure in our time shooting, backing up, editing and processing images, and figure in travel plus wear and tear on our equipment, you might be surprised at how low our hourly rate really is.)

3. “I might break your camera.” I’ve already addressed this partly so I’ll be quick. My camera has seen a lot things uglier than you, including but not limited to deer guts splattered all over a car. My camera didn’t break then. It’s not going to break on you.

2. “I don’t want to be in the photo.” This applies to when you’ve agreed to have a story done on you (maybe you’ve even suggested you or your business would make a nice story), but when I get there to take a photo you tell me you don’t want to be in the photo. If we’re doing a story on you or your business, be prepared for a photo. Or you’re at a wedding and the bride and groom has requested a photo of the bride’s favorite great-aunt. “Oh, you don’t want a photo of me,” she says. It would make my life a lot easier if you just smile and say you’re honored so I can do my job without fuss.

And the worst thing you can say to a photographer…

1. “You take good pictures. You must have a nice camera.” My favorite response to that sentiment is you wouldn’t tell a friend or cook, “That was an excellent meal. You must have a good stove.” Saying the skill is in the camera is a terrible insult. It’s all about knowing how to use the tools to get the job done. Sure certain cameras help us, but just because someone buys a nice camera doesn’t mean they know how to use it.

And actually, nice lenses go a whole lot further than the nice cameras — if you know how to use your equipment.

Murray County native Misty Watson is a staff photographer and writer for The Daily Citizen.