If you’re caring for an elderly relative, is there any help for you?

Published 7:00 am Friday, August 14, 2015

Have you ever taken care of a family member who is old or sick — or both — for an extended period of time?

If so, you’re probably no stranger to the emotional and logistical burdens that caregiving can involve. In fact, many people who find themselves playing this important but heartrendingly complex role experience stress, fatigue, financial strain, sadness, and of their own – and that can be tough to manage.

In other words, sometimes caregivers needs care, too.

In over their heads

When it comes to assisting elderly loved ones, many caregivers often find themselves in over their heads, according to experts.

“Many times caregivers of the elderly are sort of the unsung heroes in the care-giving realm, and they have a tendency to be almost invisible to the public because a lot of folks don’t identify as caregivers,” said Mary Buckley-Labonte, program coordinator for Behavioral Health Services North’s Eldercare Program in Clinton County, N.Y.

Instead, she noted, they often care for an elderly relative because they feel a sense of obligation.

“It’s extraordinarily stressful,” added Buckley-Labonte, whose program offers free services for unpaid caregivers of elderly and serves well over 1,000 people a year in one capacity or another. Across the state of New York, nearly 2.6 million family caregivers provided 2.4 billion hours — or $31.3 billion worth — of unpaid care in 2013, according to AARP’s July 2015 report, “Valuing the Invaluable.”

And while most are willingly providing care to someone they love, many say they didn’t realize the scope of what they were taking on, according to Senior Vice President and Director of AARP’s Public Policy Institute Susan Reinhard.

‘Emotionally, I feel robbed’

For Crystal First, a 33-year-old mom of two from Stuyvesant Falls, N.Y., has been caring for years for her 70-year-old uncle who has had his foot amputated due to complications from diabetes.

“His hips don’t work, and he refused surgery 15 to 20 years ago which has made it impossible for him to rehabilitate from him losing his foot,” says First, who says that his care which involves helping him get around, taking care of his meals and home, and caring of wounds near the amputation sometimes leaves her feeling depleted.

“Emotionally I feel robbed at times,” she says. “My time isn’t ‘my’ time, which makes me selfish. But I couldn’t just go away overnight, or out for very long.”

Not to mention, First has responsibilities of her own to manage. “The hardest part for me was that I have two small kids, and my life is usually ‘go go go,’ and I had to learn to slow down and go at his pace.”

Overwhelmed, exhausted

She’s not alone.  Caregivers are often completely overwhelmed and exhausted from juggling the needs of their care recipient and their own personal, family and job-related responsibilities, says Reinhard.

Many caregivers, she adds, report depression, anxiety and poor levels of physical health because they don’t have time to care for themselves.

Financial strain is also common, she said.

“A lot of folks actually quit their jobs,” Buckley-Labonte adds. Other caregivers might scale back their work hours to devote more time to caring for a loved one.

Is there help?

In New York, state legislature recently passed the Caregiver Advise, Record and Enable (CARE) Act, which, if signed into law, would ensure hospital patients can designate a family caregiver and would require hospitals to offer instructions and demonstrations to caregivers regarding aftercare of the patient. 

Along with a monthly support group and caregiver trainings, Buckley-Labonte’s Eldecare program offers up to four hours a week of in-home respite for caregivers. There’s also a Caregiver Support Line, as well as help with doctor and medical care referrals. 

Similar programs run in every state, usually funded in part by the U.S. Administration on Aging. (See sidebar for how to find resources in your area.)