Mark Millican: Rethinking retirement, part two

Published 8:00 am Sunday, October 1, 2023

It sometimes happens that when you prod people, you also provoke them — especially older people who have determined they’ve had enough prodding through the decades of life and should therefore be immune to it. So it is with columns about retirement, your humble scribe has learned. Many who are settled into their golden years don’t want to be told what to think, how to say inoffensive words in an aggrieved culture and what to do with their free time.

So expect blowback when you suggest to some seniors they could better use the time they’ve earned through the years to do whatever they want. However, even old dogs can learn new tricks. Just ask Jeff Haanan, the author of “An Uncommon Guide to Retirement.” Read it, or find the Cliffs Notes version — if you’re not afraid to be challenged, that is — and get mad at him, not me. That being said, this week’s final installment of rethinking retirement features more common sense than financial advice. Some of it even mirrors what the Good Book teaches, and in that light may we never forget the golden rule of getting along: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So let’s get the ball rolling with the second 10 advisories, replete with commentary.

11) “Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideas as you, but they are the future and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday’s wisdom still applies today.”

We have our doubts and misgivings about the younger generation today — just as our parents and grandparents had about us! I’m encouraged by what I see in many of our youth today; they’re engaged with their studies, and many have a spiritual thirst we haven’t seen in generations. Search “youth revival in America 2023” and you’ll see what I mean if you haven’t heard already. What started in Kentucky is continuing in LA (Lower Alabama, at Auburn) right now.

12) “Never use the phrase ‘In my time.’ Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time.”

Ditto for “I’m getting old.” Better to speak 2 Corinthians 4:16 when you start to hurt. You’ll feel better immediately.

13) “Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people; it’ll rub off on you, and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you feel older and harder to be around.”

Agreed. Yet I’m always on guard against advice to only hang around positive, dynamic, “going places” people — so that it will rub off on me. Did Mother Teresa do that? What about Jesus? Seems to me they went where people were in need, and allowed themselves to rub off on others by helping them.

14) “Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours. Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live by yourself.”So I guess the day and time when families often lived under the same roof intergenerationally and happily — sharing successes and failures, and giving advice in love — are gone forever? Call it idyllic, but it produced a lot of productive citizens. Do what your heart tells you is right.

15) “Don’t abandon your hobbies. If you don’t have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a kitchen garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf.”

Slow dancing, OK, seniors? You don’t want to get a quiver in your liver or throw your sacroiliac out of whack!

16) “Try to go. Get out of the house, meet with people you haven’t seen in a while, experience something new (or old). The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, walk through a park. Get out there.”

Go … see … old friends, before it is too late.

17) “Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. Try to accept situations as they are.”

And if you really feel the need to “give somebody a piece of your mind,” take it out on a hike instead so no one else can hear, or add a couple of weights in the gym and grunt it out. Words will never fly back into your mouth that have been given injurious wings.

18) “Pains and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them, but accept them as a part of life.”

And go see a doctor.

19) “If you’ve been offended by someone, forgive them. If you’ve offended someone, apologize. Don’t drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn’t matter who was right. Someone once said: ‘Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.’ Don’t take that poison. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.”

As we grow older we need to keep our old friends and make new ones, not kick them to the curb over a misperceived offense.

20) “Laugh. Laugh away your worries. Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age, never get to experience a full life.”

And if you have gotten this far, be thankful to the God who gave you life. Chances are good that one day he’ll bring up the way we treated others, and also how we accepted and used the many gifts he’s given us along the way.

Now get out there and make a difference while you still can. Don’t let retirement be your only reward.

Mark Millican is a former staff writer for the Dalton Daily Citizen.