Keeping Fit: How to fail your New Year’s resolutions

Published 8:30 am Monday, December 30, 2024

: Mitchell Arthur

With the holiday season in full swing, you might already be considering your New Year’s resolutions. Whether it’s making more time for your family or getting in shape, let’s look at how to be successful from a different perspective. Instead of how to succeed, I am going to highlight how people fail, and the pitfalls of this annual cycle. So let’s take a look at how to fail your New Year’s resolutions.

Too many goals

Let’s say your goal is to get healthier. That might include losing weight, going to bed earlier and eating healthier. A sure-fire way to fail is to try and take them on all at once. Change at least three or four things in your daily lifestyle to try and make more progress fast. Don’t take it easy, be hard on yourself. Stress out over the small details like how many sets and reps to do, or how many grams of protein or carbs you are eating. Eventually you’ll be able to say getting in shape just takes too much time and that’s why you’ve given up.

Doing too much at first

Now that you’ve over-encumbered yourself with a completely new lifestyle, let’s kick it up a notch. You say you want to lose weight? Let’s choose a method that works quickly and is highly restrictive. Who cares about long-term results and keeping the weight off? We just want to lose weight as fast as possible.

A low-carb-style diet fits this method perfectly. Carnivore, keto and Atkins will gladly welcome you into their tribe. Nothing else can match the rapid (water) weight losses you can get in the opening weeks on one of these diets. (Have fun ignoring the research on the health benefits of eating plants and fiber while you’re at it, too.) To accelerate the fat-burning let’s also hit the gym every day. Wake up at 5 a.m. and sacrifice your rest and recovery to burn some fat. No pain, no gain, right?

Have no plan

You want to lose weight and get in shape? Just eat right and exercise, right? Who needs a meal plan or progressive exercise program. Trust your intuition. Spontaneity and variety is the key. Rely on your “positive thinking” and maybe give “manifesting” a try. Surely your good attitude and positive thought will draw a healthy, fit body into “manifestation” in your life.

OK, so you slipped up. You had a slice of pizza, you skipped the gym, you stayed up late binging Netflix. Instead of viewing this as a minor setback and immediately getting back on track, treat it as a complete and utter failure. Dwell on your shortcomings, berate yourself for your lack of willpower and convince yourself that you’re simply incapable of change. This will ensure maximum demotivation and guarantee that you’ll abandon your resolution altogether.

Declare yourself a failure

After a few days (or weeks) of this self-sabotaging behavior, it’s time for the grand finale: Declare yourself a failure! Pat yourself on the back for trying, but ultimately conclude that you’re just not cut out for this whole “self-improvement” thing. This way, you can avoid any future attempts at personal growth and comfortably settle back into your old, unhealthy habits.

Remember: This is all in good fun. The point is to highlight some of the common pitfalls that can derail New Year’s resolutions. Setting realistic goals, maintaining a gritty mindset, creating a sustainable plan and practicing self-compassion are much more effective strategies for achieving your aspirations.

Unfortunately, all the satirical steps I mentioned above are far more common than we would like to think. If you are considering serious and sustainable change regarding your health, come see us at the Bradley Wellness Center. As personal trainers our greatest gift is helping you experience the joys of healthy living. Give yourself the best opportunity for success with your New Year’s resolutions. Come visit or give us a call today: (706) 278-WELL.

Mitchell Arthur is a personal trainer at the Bradley Wellness Center.