Grabbing life by the horns

Published 4:14 pm Monday, November 23, 2009

At this time of year our minds turn toward things we’re thankful for. It’s been a tough year for Americans – between the economy and two wars, it may be hard for many of us to come up with a long list. But for me, the answer to that question came very easily.

A few days from now, in what I hope will be his last trip to a war-torn county, my dad will return to Iraq. He has worked tirelessly, and often thanklessly, for the past five years rebuilding the country’s infrastructure as a private contractor for the Army Corps of Engineers. This Thanksgiving, I’m particularly thankful for my dad and his sacrifices.

As a recent college graduate far from home for the first time, the “real world” can seem daunting and overwhelming. But the faith he and my mother have imparted on me and the lessons he’s taught me have helped me find my way when I begin to feel lost.

My dad is a tough, old-school guy. He’s worked on oil rigs in the Louisiana bayou, repaired massive hurricane damage in Third World countries and most recently rebuilt bombed-out police stations around Iraq. He never complains about the hard work – deep down I think he loves the challenge. Much to my siblings’ and my chagrin, he expects the same self-discipline and grit from us. He’s never tolerated a “whiner” and is the working definition of “tough love.”

My dad is not one of those parents who thought everyone on the team should get a trophy to make it “fair,” and when a coach or teacher was hard on me he was always on their side. Growing up, Saturday mornings were for chores and not sleeping in. I hate to admit this, but that prepared me for the working world more than any college course I took.

My father’s career has put him in harm’s way more times than I can count (or that he’ll let on), but it has also brought him great adventure. A daredevil at heart, one of my favorite stories is how he watched the sunrise at the top of one of the Egyptian Pyramids of Giza. Before dawn, when the guards were asleep, he snuck passed them and climbed as high as he could. The beauty that unfolded was a memory that would last him a lifetime (that, along with the guards threatening to shoot unless he climbed down).

Of course you could never get away with that today, and I’m pretty sure my dad would have a stroke if I attempted the same. But he’s always pushed me to take chances, even if it scares me. He doesn’t believe in taking the safe and easy route in life. It’s fitting that one of his favorite shirts says “Grab life by the horns.”

My dad is not a man of many words. He is a man of action. “Talk is cheap” and “Put your money where your mouth is” are two of his favorite sayings. (This may explain why politicians have never impressed him much.) In his eyes, if you say you are going to do something, you’d better do it. In a world where people vie for recognition and tout their own-self importance, this is a rare quality. He taught me to do the right thing no matter who’s looking because it builds character.

Perhaps the biggest reason I’m thankful for my father is for showing me who a “real man” is. As a young girl, I had a sort of hero-worship for him. My dad could lift me up on his shoulders or swing me around high in the air. Nothing scared me when he was around – he was, and remains, larger than life.

As I got older, my larger-than-life father scared away more than a few dates. Looking back on some of the characters I brought home, I’m certainly thankful for that now. Study after study has shown the positive impact that fathers have on daughters – on decisions they make, partners they choose and their sense of self-respect and self-worth. I can state unequivocally that this is true, particularly when it comes to relationships. In fact, my dad has such a straight-forward but tender way of imparting “guy advice” that my girlfriends frequently ask “What would Mr. T say?”

My dad has demonstrated what true love and commitment is through his marriage to my mother. For all his rough exterior, she comes first. She is the most important person in his life, and he makes no secret of that. This January they will celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary, and my dad can still tell you exactly what my mom was wearing when they met.

They don’t have a fairy tale relationship – they have good times and bad like everybody else. Watching my parents has taught me that hard work and compromise, not a beautiful wedding, makes a marriage last. My dad calls marriage a series of “peaks and valleys” and has kept a sense of humor about it. After a particularly rough patch I remember him saying, “Honey, I guess this must be a crevasse.”

A while ago in a meeting, I had to write down characteristics I value most. I wrote: loyalty, resilience, commitment to family, and sense of humor. I see now I was describing my father.

So while we may not have large bank accounts or 401(k)s to be thankful for this year, it’s really not the most important thing. I think as most of us consider what it is that we’re most thankful for, the answer will almost always be someone else. I suppose that it’s a reminder to each of us to be someone that another person will be thankful for too.



Georgia Family Council is a nonprofit research and education organization committed to fostering conditions in which individuals, families and communities thrive. For more information, go to www.georgiafamily.org, (770) 242-0001, stephen.daniels@georgiafamily.org.