Mark Millican: Speeding with kangaroos

Published 9:02 am Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Some newspaper reporters consider covering government meetings the least preferred beat of their coverage responsibilities. However, there are some who excel at it. For example, I consider former colleague Charles “The Bulldog” Oliver, a longtime staffer at the Daily Citizen-News in Dalton, the gold standard in government reporting.

Ideally, those of us who cover government meetings should consider the task as being one of utmost accountability as we’re essentially serving as the eyes and ears of the multitudes of readers who do not attend these sessions. Moi? Ask again as a meeting reaches four-hour length terrain.

Believe it or not, government meetings can also be interesting, most often when a citizen shows up to point out how he or she, and possibly their neighbors, appears not to be getting the benefit of the government body’s day-to-day operations or attention. Fortunately, I’ve found most government officials are open to suggestions and even corrections, as the situation dictates.

And government officials want to be at the meetings because they desire to provide for citizens, and are serious about their responsibilities, I have found. If you doubt that, throw your hat into the ring next time an election draweth nigh and see firsthand if you can do a better job — and don’t make your phone line private. The sometimes mundane aspects of government meetings, however, do not mean humor is always absent. A good laugh in the middle of a lengthy agenda is sometimes just what the doctor ordered.

Take a recent convening of the East Ellijay City Council, for example. As Police Chief Larry Callahan was wrapping up his monthly report, including traffic stats, Mayor Mack West asked him to relate a recent speeding ticket he’d issued. Callahan, always up to the task when called upon to speak, told how a Jaguar zipped past him — way over the speed limit — as he got on the four-lane Zell Miller Parkway heading home to Fannin County.

“I got up behind her and hit the blue lights, but it didn’t faze her a bit, she just kept on booking,” the chief reported. “Then I pulled beside her doing about 80 miles per hour and got her attention.”

Callahan, who still struggles with the results of a near-electrocution during a flooding situation while on duty a few years ago, walked up to the Jag to ask about the driver’s hurry. When the lady rolled down her window she curiously asked, “Why did you pull me over?” Curious, because of the conversation that ensued.

“She told me she’d had the Jaguar for years and was always driving over the speed limit, so she felt after awhile she just deserved to get a ticket,” Callahan said. “Well, we don’t see many Jaguars where I come from up in Epworth, so I obliged her.”

City Clerk Jacque Hefner reported the lady had already paid her ticket.

All law enforcement officers who have patrolled the highways can give you their “best excuses from motorists pulled over for speeding.” Callahan shared another story, but found the reason given for the most frequent moving violation was true.

“I pulled a guy over for speeding that was driving a truck and pulling a trailer, and it took him a long time to come to a stop,” he said. “I asked him about that, and he told me he had some kangaroos in the trailer, and if he stopped too fast, it would make them stumble into one another and they’d start fighting.

“I thought that was the best excuse I’d ever heard, and told him if he really had kangaroos in that trailer, I’d let him go.”

The driver walked back to the trailer, opened a window and told Callahan, “Now don’t stick your face too close to that window, or one of them will punch you in the nose.”

“I was starting to believe him, so I didn’t get too close when I looked in,” he said. “Sure enough, there were three kangaroos in there looking back at me, and they all had their little paws up. I let him go.”

After a few chuckles, Councilwoman Linda Smith shared a story her late husband, Councilman Scott Smith, once told her. It happened in a county that, let’s just say, is between East Ellijay and metro Atlanta.

“The officer was writing a woman a ticket for speeding, and she asked if she could just pay him for it on the spot,” Smith said. “When he told her it was a $100 fine, she asked if she could just give him $200 — she had to come back through there later.”

Just small-town speeding ticket stories? You decide. Better yet, ask your local law enforcement officer.

Mark Millican is a former Daily Citizen-News staff writer and is news editor of the Times-Courier in Ellijay. He can be reached by phone, (706) 635-4313; email, tceditor@timescourier.com; or via Twitter, @extrabymark.