The Town Crier: So far, so good

Published 1:00 pm Wednesday, January 10, 2024

After 2023 I’ve been a little nervous about how things are going to be in 2024. But here I am, a week into the year, and surprisingly, so far, so good. I’m just about to let my guard down and relax.

If the last few days are any indication, 2024 is going to go smoothly. Maybe even be a great year. I’ve eaten good home cooking for several meals, including a homemade blueberry pie made with frozen blueberries I picked back in the summer from my bushes. Delicious. I’ve talked with family and friends and already had some good laughs. I heard some new “old” jokes (new to me, they say there are no old jokes as long as there are new audiences). Here’s one of them. Yes it’s old and probably unrepeatable in certain circles these days, but here it goes: Wife running into the house, “Honey! Two men just stole the car from the garage!” Husband: “Did you get a good look at them?” Wife: “No, but better than that! I got the license plate number!” You can switch the husband and wife around if that makes it funnier for you.

My family and extended family is healthy so far. Comparing to 2023, we (including extended family) have no broken bones (three last year), no heart attacks (one last year), no pneumonias (two last year), no COVIDs (three or four last year), no car accidents (one last year), no surgeries (two last year), no trips to the walk-in clinic because someone in the family was pulling a dead branch out of the tree, the branch broke and the family member tripped backward and landed on a woodpile and caught his hand on a nail and it needed some remedial work. OK, it was me that fell backward. My only regret is that no one was filming. I could use the 10 grand we would have won from “America’s Funniest Videos.” So far in 2024 the only bad thing that’s happened is a hacked FaceBook account. No, we’re not selling corgi puppies and my wife is not now a registered cryptocurrency dealer. Having said that, if you’d like to send us a check we would put it to good use.

The psychological deep breath

That turn of the year we had this past week isn’t all about just celebrating. With the coming new calendar comes the psychological deep breath that gives us a pause to look forward and plan to do better. These goals of doing better with a new start we call New Year’s resolutions. Turns out the Babylonians were making them more than 4,000 years ago. Their new year was at the beginning of spring and one of their things was to pledge to return borrowed farm tools. They didn’t have cigarettes back then (tobacco is a New World crop and so was only popularized in the East after Columbus). I’m thinking in ancient days, unless you were the king, losing weight wasn’t really a popular goal. I would think it would be more like “This year I hope to not be eaten by crocodiles,” that type of thing. Practical, if not always achievable.

Two thousand years later the Romans were making New Year’s resolutions and one of them they kept was to move New Year Day to January. January is named after the Roman God Janus, a two-faced guy that looked forward to the future and also backward to past experience so as to gain wisdom, like looking both ways before you cross the street. On the other hand, if you’re looking ahead and looking back, do you risk tripping on the here and now?

The Romans kept the tradition of making “good” resolutions for the coming year. I’m thinking it was “good” Roman things like “conquering new foreign lands,” “fixing up the old aqueduct,” “trading in the chariot for a newer model” and “give the lions in the Colosseum more Christians to eat.”

A Boston newspaper from 1813 features the first American use of the phrase New Year’s resolution. Their point was that people would party hardy in December, then wait until the new year to get serious and make a better go of it, and that would make all the December foolishness OK. Don’t we all? Although in 1813 people smoked tobacco, mainly pipes (invented by Native Americans) and cigars (first known use by the Mayans), at that time quitting smoking wasn’t on anyone’s New Year resolutions radar (which they didn’t have back then either).

Resolutions have changed over time, depending on who is doing the resolving. According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac, in the early 1900s a lot of resolutions were more spiritual and religious in nature, with people focusing on improving character and morality.

Changes over time

Of course, a lot changed in the 20th century. Looking at a list from 1947 compared to 2022, we see differences but also some similarities. With my naive optimistic thinking that we’re all people and basically the same from old times to new, I’ve tried to match up the top 10 from ’47 to its contemporary top 10.

The current list has “lose weight” at number one. It was on the ’47 list also, but at number 10 and with the “or gain weight” included. Let that one sink in. Number nine in ’47 was “take greater part in home life” while on the now list “spend more time with family” comes in closely at number 10.

Number seven for 2022 is “quit smoking” while it is number three in 1947. Soon I expect “stop vaping” will be on the list.

For 1947 it didn’t just say “stop smoking” but also “or smoke less.” Maybe they were trying to save money back then, not just quit smoking, because the next one in ’47, at number four, is “save more money.” For us it’s now “spend less, save more” at number three. Number eight in ’47 was “take better care of my health.” “Stay fit and healthy” is how they put it these days at number five.

At 2023’s number two we have “get organized” while at seven in ’47 it’s “be more efficient, do a better job.” Number five in 1947 is “stop drinking, drink less.” There is no corresponding entry these days, I guess everyone thinks their drinking is just fine. Number six in 1947, after they had quit drinking and smoking (or at least cutting down), was “be more religious, go to church more often.” Two years after a horrendous World War that had ended with the explosion of the atomic bombs, I guess they had an eye on the eternal, and also on how precious life is.

In 1947 number one and two were “improve my disposition, be more understanding, control my temper” and “improve my character, live a better life.” For today we have four, “enjoy life to the fullest”; six, “learn something exciting”; and eight, “help others fulfill their dreams.” The only one left is number nine on the modern list: “fall in love.”

Wow, almost all of those, in 1947 or 2023, are goals to aim for as a new year starts, resolutions to achieve. On the other hand, according to various surveys, the majority of folks give up on their resolutions by the second Friday of January, and Jan. 17 is considered to be Resolution Surrender Day. Yikes.

February we’re back to smoking, eating, drinking and grousing too much. We’re skipping church and as far as other’s dreams, well, they’re on their own. Want to “learn something exciting” this year? Better make sure the instruction book you start Jan. 1 is a short one. And if you didn’t fall in love by Jan. 17, no Valentine’s Day for you.

Doing it wrong

So if we do OK only for a couple of weeks, maybe we’re doing this wrong. My idea is don’t use all your resolutions up all at once. I like doughnuts but I don’t eat them for the first two weeks and then stop. I eat them throughout the year.

How about instead of New Year’s resolutions we do new month resolutions. The last night of each month we stay up till midnight, pop a cork and make a toast, and then make some resolutions for the month. If we do that we should be able to get our resolutions through the first couple of weeks of the month before we give up. How much better is that than giving them all up after the first two weeks of the year?

That’s 24 weeks (two per month) versus two weeks for the year. I’m going to lose weight, you say, but only two weeks of losing weight follows. But then, in the new system, on the first day of February you start on another two weeks of weight loss. Two weeks on and two weeks off and you might actually get somewhere. Be nicer to your fellow man? Two weeks out of a month and apart from confusing them with your warm and cold approach, you might do some good!

For February I’m making a resolution I can keep all month: I resolve to only do my resolutions for two weeks. Now, how easy was that?

Mark Hannah, a Dalton native, works in video and film production.